I'm a bit obsessed with The Four Agreements. The book by Don Miguel Ruiz.

It's probably the simplest and most valuable tool I have for keeping my life on track and measuring where I'm REALLY stuck (as opposed to where I 'think' I'm stuck).

The First Agreement:

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

Speak with integrity. Mean what you say. Do what you say you're going to do. Notice how you talk about yourself and others. Your words are magic spells, they hypnotise you and those around you (especially your kids) into believing them to be truth. Like the old political saying: 'tell a lie enough times, it becomes truth'. I don't need to even point out examples of that for you, do I?

Use your words in the direction of truth and love.

And use your words in a way that you start to BELIEVE in yourself. Are you betraying yourself with the way you speak? Every time you say you're going to do something and don't you believe in yourself a little less. Over the years it adds up. How can others trust me if I don't trust my own words? Are you betraying yourself with the way the voices in your head speak to you (and about you)?

Observe yourself talking sh#t about yourself. You wouldn't talk about a stranger like that! So stop!

This is a process, it takes years to de-programme your mind, but start right now! And when you catch yourself, remember to be gentle as you reframe the statement.

Key words to look out for: Should've, Always, Never, I'm so (insert negative judgement). These thoughts/ statements are NEVER true and they serve no good purpose in your life. Weed them out of the garden of your mind.

I'm not a master of this yet, I wouldn't want anyone to receive the kind of criticism I give myself when I'm surfing. It's disgusting! If I heard a parent talking to their kid like that in the supermarket, I like to think I'd intervene!

But I try to bring consciousness to it and STOP it, and re-frame, whenever I can.

Try this: set alarms to go off throughout the day. When the alarm goes off, check your self-talk. If it's negative, congratulate yourself for noticing and turn it into a more positive statement! That's it. Gently open you heart to yourself and others.

If you feel like it, tell me what you noticed.